Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
