you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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