was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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