I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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