You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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