erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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