How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish I only lived at night.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
