Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
