This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
