y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
