Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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