i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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