I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
