i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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