If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
