So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
