i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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