ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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