I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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