dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize