I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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