he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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