i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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