First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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