Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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