I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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