Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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