party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
