If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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