It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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