I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
