There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
