I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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