quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
