the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
