I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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