toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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