I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
