Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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