Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
