i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
