whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
