Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
