what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
