Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How does one acquire holy water?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
