so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
