Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
