She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
