I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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