I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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