I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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