His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
