If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
