i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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