We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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