On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
