Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
