lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
