Jerry, you need to find god
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize