You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
