Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
