I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
