If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
