nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
