u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
