I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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